Don’t we all wish that Internet safety was as easy as saying “because I said so, that’s why!”?

Somewhere around age 3 kids learn the “W” (Why) word as a rebuttal, and once they do, there’s no going back. And as they get older they’re more likely to follow the advice dispensed behind a well-reasoned argument than advice that comes from out of the blue and begins with “because I said so.” When it comes to the Internet that means it’s up to parents and schools to be informed enough about how things work in cyberspace to give reasonable advice and hold informed conversations.

When Internet safety advocates first began dispensing their advice it was often in the form of sweeping pronouncements like, “Never give out your name, address, or personal information online” or “Always put the computer in a public area of the home.”

The Internet is no place for ultimatums and absolutes. “Never” and “always” are a long time, and kids and the Internet are always changing.

What do we do instead? Replace “no” with developmentally sound and age-appropriate advice.

Try these on for size:

Instead of saying: Never give out your name, address, or personal information.

Say: I know that there are times when you’re going to want to give out your personal information. And sometimes–especially to your close circle of friends–giving out this information is warranted. But making that information accessible to everyone carte blanche is a big mistake. There are scam artists and predators who will use that information to do you harm. Pick up a newspaper to track news events about personal information on the web and you’ll see that I’m right.

Instead of saying: Never post a photo on the Internet.

Say: We all love to share our photos. Why else would we take them? But when photos fall into the wrong hands on the Internet they may be used in ugly ways. If you only share photos with people we know in the real world you can probably avoid potentially painful situations. Make sure that you trust your friends, too. A friend could very easily pass your photo along to the wrong people or invite an unsavory person to become a part of your group. Be vigilant.

Instead of simply granting permission to create a profile on Facebook or get an AOL account, try working with them to set up the correct privacies and privileges. Every social network and online tool has settings to make it difficult for uninvited guests to see you.

Instead of just handing them an iPod or game machine as a gift and sending them off, make sure you’ve set those machines up to maximize privacy and protection. With an iPod and iTunes it’s quite easy to download some objectionable videos unless you adjust the parental controls.

And mostly, instead of saying, It’s just the Internet; it can’t be controlled, make sure you’ve instituted age-appropriate rules. How long can they stay online? Do you know their online friends? Are they aware of the damage they can do by saying something mean or passing along mean messages?

With a bit of mind-grease parents can bring the Internet back into the realm of parenting with rules, guidelines, expectations and consequences.