Parent’s Guide to IM

Mix Adolescent Hormones With The Immediacy Of Instant Messaging And You Could Have A Recipe For Disaster  

Published: May 31, 2005

It’s summertime,  and with more time on their hands, kids will be spending more time at their computers.  Their pastime of the moment is surely instant messaging.  It’s today’s high tech equivalent of the phone call — only more fun because you can converse in real time in your own personalized environment, with a long list of all of your favorite friends.  42 million kids are doing it regularly.

Most instant messaging activity is harmless and is actually a fabulous way for kids to cultivate relationships, but like anything on the Internet, trouble is never too far away. That’s why parents need to understand how IM works.

CAN YOU SPELL TROUBLE?

One of the ways that kids can get into trouble using IM is to talk to people they don’t know.  77% of online kids will be contacted over IM by someone they don’t know by the time they’re 14.  We’ve all heard stories about grownups posing as kids, who then try to lure them into chat rooms and IM conversations.  Another problem is the growing instances of online bullying. Thinking that they’re having a private conversation, kids can be rash in their messages, spreading rumors and damaging remarks that can have serious repercussions.

A PARENTS PLAN

The first thing a parent should do is download and instant messaging program (most of them are free) and start using it with the kids.  It’s great to talk to them on their turf and you’ll get a first hand feel for their world.

Next grill them on the list of the friends on their buddy lists.  Ask them to tell you who these friends are.  If you don’t know them or you’re uncomfortable with them, tell your kids to get them off of their lists. If they identify someone on the list as a friend of a friend of a friend be very skeptical.  And if the friends use screen names like SEXY, or KILLER be skeptical as well. These are trouble areas.

Finally get familiar with the features in the software programs that help protect your kids.  I’ve been using Microsoft Instant Messenger because they do  quite a bit to help keep kids safe. You can easily block unwanted messages and the default setting makes you give permission before ANYONE can contact you. With younger children parents will want to team MSN Messenger with MSN Premium Services’ Parental Controls.  This combo requires that the kids send you an email and ask your permission before adding anyone to their IM list.

Some other helpful tips:

1.  Make it a habit to ask your kids about what happens in their online lives.  Don’t be afraid to pick up the phone and let another mom know if you’ve heard some disturbing things they might need to know about. 

2.  If you feel really uncomfortable with an IM you or your kids  receive, save a copy to your hard disk. That way you’ll have evidence if you decide to report it to the police or your ISP.

3.  Kids will put away messages on their screens, informing people of their whereabouts.  Remind kids that   AWAY messages that contain phrases  like “Back later. Walking to the candy store” could be revealing way too  much.

4.  Strangers tend to contact kids through chat rooms first and then move to  IM so you might want to put limits on chat.

5.  Also tell the kids not to fill out a profile of themselves on the service. It makes it easier to be contacted by strangers.