They’ve Got Mail; You’ve Got Trouble

What You Need to Know For Their Own Good

Published: May 25, 2005

While parents recognize that the Internet can be a wonderful tool, one that there children will be using for the rest of their lives, each day there seems to be a new intruder, or scam, or bully story in the media.

Should parents be concerned? You bet. Many of the incidents you read about are happening in communities just like yours. Our children sit for hours on end having unsupervised adventures in cyberspace. Troubling things can happen out there. Our children are often reluctant to turn
Use the block buddy feature when you don’t know who they are or you don’t like what they say
to us once they’ve been solicited, bullied, or have seen disturbing images, because they’re afraid that parents will take away their Internet privileges and blame them for getting in trouble.

While there is no “How To” book when it comes to Internet Safety (and even if there was it would be constantly changing) it’s time for parents to use the same parenting skills they use in other parts of their lives and set some rules about Internet behviour. Playing ostrich or pleading ignorance about technology is a mistake parents can’t afford to make.

Where Does Trouble Lurk on the Web?

1. Inappropriate content — Though it’s a small portion of the web, pornography is easy to find, very graphic and often more deviant than in other mediums. Everything else hate-sites, to making bombs, to non-factual propaganda can be found on the web as well.

2. Communicating - While IM is ruler of the roost for now, there are new technologies like BLOGS, where teenagers can post daily diary entries. Problems can occur, for instance, when picture cell phones are used to post self portraits, intended to attract others or when they’re used to disclose a child’s personal life to strangers. Communications on the web is not private, contrary to what your children tell you. If you would not yell out to all of your friends you shouldn’t say it on the web.

3. Peer to Peer Networking — This technology allows outsiders to access a portion of your computer. It opens your computer to receive viruses and to identity theft. It’s often used as an easy way for kids to share music and video files, but much of their activity is illegal because the music is copyrighted. Children should stay away from these sites.

4. SPAM and SPIM –Children receive unwanted mail much like adults do. Spam mail may invite them to give away their personal information by responding. And SPIM is the newest kind of SPAM except that it travels across instant messaging. .

What Can Parents Do?

Consider using an acceptable use policy. (See Safekids.com for an example). Kids can’t guess what you’re thinking the right Internet behavior should be; they need it spelled out very clearly. Acceptable use policies are signed agreements between you and your child that outline what you consider unacceptable behavior and the consequences of that behavior. These are used frequently in schools and a contract between student and administration.

When Kids Surf The Web

Use parental controls such as Cyberpatrol.com or use the built-in controls that are available from Internet Service Providers like AOL, MSN and Earthlink. This is especially important for kids under age ten; you can ease up on the controls as they get older.

Use your search engine’s filter, too. Tools like Google have filters to screen out inappropriate sites and image.

Keep your computer in a relatively public space in your home or check-in often if your child’s computer is in his or her bedroom

Learn about media literacy to help your children identify a reliable website from an unreliable one.

Search your child’s computer history files if you are at all concerned about potential abuse. It’s always better to tell them ahead of time that you reserve the right to do this if you suspect trouble. They’ll appreciate the honesty and you won’t feel like a sneak.

Teach your children never share personal information; that includes information about what team they’re on or who their friends are as well as name, address and phone number. (55% of kids have been asked for personal information on-line.)

When Kids are Using IM

Revive your child’s buddy lists. Make sure you know and approve of all contacts and their screen names.

Don’t let your kids create a personal profile on AOL or any other service. It opens them up to more SPAM and intrusion.

Turn IM OFF during homework hours. They don’t multitask as well as they think they do.

Encourage them not to get overly specific in posting “away” messages. Sometimes they divulge too much about their habits and whereabouts.

When Kids Use Chat Rooms

They should leave a chat room if the conversation turns “hot” or uncomfortable.

They should not use revealing SCREEN names, such as “nancyr” or provocative ones like CUTIEPIE or SEXXXXy.

Stick to monitored chat rooms that are supervised by adults and have a penalty for inappropriate behavior.

When Kids Use Email

Teach them not to open attachments from someone they don’t know

Tell them not to reply SPAM or mail that invites them to join since doing that often identifies you as a “live” address to the spammer.

When Kids Use Peer to Peer Networks

Remind them that swapping music and movie sites open their computers up to all kinds of viruses and possibly identity theft. It’s like leaving the back door of your house open for intruders.

Create some sort of digital allowance to allow them to download legal entertainment from sites like itunes.com, napster.com or rhapsody.com to name a few.

Your Basic Internet Survival Kit

Your Interent Safety Kit, installed on your computer should include: an AntiVirus program, a SpamBlocker, and a Personal Firewall Personal Fire Walls screen those who try and access your computer without permission. Parental controls don’t do a 100% job of protecting your kids but work well for the younger children who aren’t looking for ways to circumvent them.

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